Circus of the Damned
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Jen's LiveJournal:
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| Tuesday, February 14th, 2006 | | 3:45 pm |
Your results: You are Deanna Troi| Deanna Troi |
| 80% |
| Geordi LaForge |
| 65% |
| An Expendable Character (Redshirt) |
| 65% |
| Chekov |
| 60% |
| Jean-Luc Picard |
| 60% |
| James T. Kirk (Captain) |
| 55% |
| Leonard McCoy (Bones) |
| 50% |
| Uhura |
| 50% |
| Beverly Crusher |
| 45% |
| Worf |
| 40% |
| Spock |
| 32% |
| Mr. Scott |
| 30% |
| Will Riker |
| 30% |
| Mr. Sulu |
| 20% |
| Data |
| 19% |
|
You are a caring and loving individual.
You understand people's emotions and
you are able to comfort and counsel them.
 |
Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Test | | Friday, December 16th, 2005 | | 2:45 pm |
| | Friday, November 25th, 2005 | | 8:55 am |
| | Friday, November 18th, 2005 | | 10:11 am |
| | Tuesday, November 8th, 2005 | | 12:20 pm |
This surprises me...yet, it doesn't...
| You Are Machiavelli's Spawn | 
You're going to get what you want, and no one's going stand in your way.
(Even if it's just knocking out your roomie to get the last ice cream sandwich!)
People who slow you down, simply need to be taken out - by any means possible.
You are the master of charming, wooing, manipulating, and intimidating. |
| | Friday, November 4th, 2005 | | 11:48 am |
I actually had a somewhat normal dream about Dad last night. For once, I wasn't being chased by him. For once, he wasn't dead. In the dream he had come to town for business or something like that. The dream consisted of multiple short visitations with him throughout the time he was here. In the scene I remember most clearly, we were just sitting around talking football. I remember Dad saying during the conversation that one of his favorite restaurants was the one owned by Zach Thomas's family (Does Zach Thomas's family even own a restaurant. I don't think they do...but oh well...). That comment started a whole conversation about the Dolphins' defense. After that, I vaguely remember a scene with me and Dad discussing where to go for breakfast. I also vaguely remember Dad being at my work for something. I wonder what the deep psychological meaning behind this dream is. Current Mood:  thoughtfulCurrent Music: Latin chants coming from the church sound system at work | | Thursday, November 3rd, 2005 | | 10:06 am |
| | Friday, October 21st, 2005 | | 9:06 am |
Happy Birthday, Daddy. I miss you so much. | | Thursday, October 20th, 2005 | | 11:13 am |
Today is turning out to be harder than yesterday for some reason. I had to take Dad's picture down off of my desk just now. I just felt this strange hollowness in my chest every time I glanced at it. "There's an awful lot of breathing room, but I can hardly move." - MB20 Current Mood:  sadCurrent Music: "Dance with My Father" - Luther Vandross | | Saturday, October 15th, 2005 | | 8:47 am |
Well, with October 19th approaching (unfortunately), obviously I have been thinking about Dad a lot. A LOT. Even more than usual. This got me to thinking. I WONDER IF GRIEVING FOR A DECEASED LOVED ONE CAN BECOME SOMEONE'S ENTIRE IDENTITY. I am trying to keep myself from becoming like that, but in some ways, I actually embrace my pain and grief. I had heard several times about people doing that, and I always thought it was weird. Why would they want to do that? I now have a better insight to it. Don't get me wrong. I would probably rather be experiencing anything else in the world. However, I can't avoid the fact that Dad is, in fact, dead. The grief is inevitable. As I mentioned before, I have sort of embraced the pain. Why? Well, I'm not really sure. Maybe it is because I know it is necessary to heal (if healing is possible). Maybe it is my way of holding on to him and refusing to let him go completely. I really don't know. I was driving to work this morning and heard a Bryan Adams song on the radio. A line from the song really stuck out to me. He sang, "Don't deny me this pain I'm going through..." I (like I do a lot of times with songs), took comfort from those words. Even though his loss that he is singing about isn't death, it felt good to hear someone else express my feelings. I have felt all along that the thoughts that were constantly running through my head about Dad and his death were unique to just me. I thought I was weird and different. However, the more I talk to people about it (and listen to things around me like songs), I have come to find that other people are having or have had the same exact thoughts about losing someone they love. I think this has happened the most with my brother Jeremy. Every time one of us actually shares our thoughts (usually posted on LJ) about a situation, the other one usually ends up commenting that we had been thinking the same exact thing lately. I take comfort in that. It makes me feel like I'm not so alone. Jason broached the subject last night of October 19th. He was curious as to whether I had plans or not. I have been avoiding even thinking about making plans for that day because I just don't want to think about it at all. I can't possibly accept that it has been a year. I have decided, though, that I'm going to work that day. I had the opportunity to take it off, but I think that it will keep me busy and keep my mind off of things if I work. I don't know what to do when I come home, though. I'm sure I'll make plans, but it probably won't be until the last minute. That way, I can continue to put it off and not think about it. As Jason and I were talking last night, I mentioned to him that I still wake up every single morning and try to convince myself that it has all been a bad dream. I have that like half of a second where I believe it, too. I just tell myself, "Nah, it couldn't possibly be true. It's just unthinkable. I'm going to go call Dad now simply because I can." But I can't. That moment of disbelief is quickly gone. My heart breaks every day at that moment when I realize that yeah, it really is true. He really is gone. Jason told me that he thought it was very unhealthy for me to go through this every morning. Well, yes, I would imagine so. I can't just turn it off, though. I have to wonder how long it will go on, though. Two days after the 19th is Dad's birthday. He would have been 46 this year. We had to have his viewing/wake on his birthday. That made me very sad. I have to wonder if his birthday will be just as hard as the 19th. | | Wednesday, September 21st, 2005 | | 10:19 am |
LOST
THIS IS AN OPEN INVITE FOR ANYONE ELSE WHO WANTS TO COME WATCH THE SEASON PREMIERE OF LOST TONIGHT. WE ARE HAVING A SMALL GET-TOGETHER/LOST PARTY-TYPE THING. DIANA: Are you Terance coming over for LOST tonight? I really, really hope so. Let me know. Oh, and I have a gift for you. It's just a little something that I saw in the store the other day that made me think of you. Current Mood:  excited | | Friday, September 9th, 2005 | | 11:28 am |
| | Thursday, September 8th, 2005 | | 3:39 pm |
I don't think my day could get any worse at this point. *knock on wood* | | Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005 | | 11:45 pm |
Hmm...go figure...
 You kill for revenge.That is because you have lost something or someone you held very dear. Now you can't seem to get over the loss that marked your soul, and the only solution is to go after the one person who brought all this pain to you. Chances are you are angry inside and you bottle everything up and don't talk to anyone about it. People may want to help, but you think that they can never understand your pain and only get frustrated because of this. But it is important to see all that you have left and be thankful of that even if you have lost something great. It may not be true that Times heals all wounds, but with time and talking about your feelings, maybe the hurt will ease. Main weapon: Yourself Quote: "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories" -Stainslaw J. Lec Facial expression: Gritted teeth and teary eyes What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures] brought to you by Quizilla Current Music: "Die, Die, My Darling" - Misfits (Metallica version) | | Monday, August 8th, 2005 | | 9:00 am |
Greetings from Fairhope. I love it here. I want to live here. There is a house for sale that is only feet from my Dad's house. I wish I could buy it. Jason doesn't like Fairhope, though. We went down to to the Gulf last night. I was very eager to see Florabama. The last I saw (which was in pictures), it was in pieces after IVAN. They had the place under construction but up and running last night. That was good to see. The whole front half (the indoor portion) is gone, but they appeared to be rebuilding it. Yay! Note to Crystal and Marie: The parking lot across the street that Marie and Dad skipped through is gone and so is the pier where we docked the boat. :-( But that's okay. We can drown our sorrows over this sad news with a few Florabama Bushwhackers sometime soon. :-) I get to have Krystal's today. I can't wait. It's my favorite fast food place, and I never get to have it since there isn't one in Tally. Krystal burgers are like crack for me and Jessica. We are just like the guys in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. We would go through all of that for Krystal burgers. Did I mention that I love Fairhope? | | Thursday, August 4th, 2005 | | 2:26 pm |
I had another dream/nightmare about Dad last night. It was similar to the ones I've had before, only more intense and more frightening. I woke up terrified and crying. I woke Jason up and made him comfort me. I feel badly about that (walking him in the middle of the night), but I know that he would just tell me that it is just one of those things you do for your spouse. I think this dream is due to the fact that I have been thinking about Dad even more lately. It seems like his death is becoming more and more real. And the more real it becomes, the harder I try to make it NOT real. There are actually times when I have to stop and ask myself if it really happened or if it was just a bad nightmare or something. I will struggle with that thought for several minutes. It's like I'm trying to convince my brain to go one way and believe that it didn't really happen, but my brain is pushing against me because it knows it did happen and I'm just fooling myself. Does that make any sense? I want to call Dad. I want to pick up my phone and just call him. That way, I can prove to myself that it didn't really happen. I want to hear his voice. I heard it in my dream last night. He was talking, and it seemed so real (even though he was dead in the dream, his body was there and talking). In my dreams, there usually isn't talking. Everyone just always seems to know what the other person wants to say without them saying it. I remember thinking in my dream how strange it was because I could actually hear my Dad talking in the dream. My Stepmom gave me a CD of Dad's message from his answering machine at work. I haven't been able to listen to it yet. I haven't been able to go to the cemetery yet, either. I won't let people talk about death/funerals/etc around me yet. Am I avoiding it? I can't believe I'm still so sensitive about it. I feel like I've come a long way in my grieving process, but I now realize that I still have so much further to go. Should I stop avoiding the inevitable? I don't want to. I feel like it is all stalking me day and night, waiting to pounce. It's like there is this dark cloud following me wherever I go. It is my own sword of Damocles. I think my trip to Fairhope this weekend may be difficult. "If you're gone it's time to come home. There's an awful lot of breathing room, but I can hardly move." -MT | | Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005 | | 9:50 am |
| | Wednesday, July 27th, 2005 | | 8:28 pm |
the Comic
(21% dark, 39% spontaneous, 61% vulgar) |
your humor style:
VULGAR | COMPLEX | LIGHT
Yours is the most versatile and also the most popular kind of humor. On the one hand, you'll crack a joke about just about anything, but you're not mean-spirited or intimidating, so you can get away with it--even when, for example, you bust on Mexicans. Even though you appreciate a good dirty joke as much as anybody, over all, you've got a cerebral approach to humor. In fact, you appreciate all well-crafted humor. Now just go out there and write up a routine; it's likely you'd be good at it.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Dave Chappelle - Rodney Dangerfield |
 |
My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
You scored higher than 5% on dark |
|
You scored higher than 33% on spontaneous |
|
You scored higher than 94% on vulgar |
| | | Tuesday, July 19th, 2005 | | 6:12 pm |
Hand-Raiser
You are 71% Rational, 57% Extroverted, 42% Brutal, and 28% Arrogant. |
You are the Hand-Raiser, that annoying kid in class who always had an answer for everything. No doubt, as a child you probably sat in the front of the class, anxiously waving your hand back and forth in the air while your teacher desperately tried to avoid calling on you because you were the ONLY fucking kid that answered her questions. Clearly, the key traits of your personality are your rationality and your extroversion. You are like a little talkative calculator, in other words. You also tend to be rather gentle and less arrogant than most people. So what is your defect, then? Well, you're boring, and when you're not boring, you are just plain annoying with your ultra-logical responses and constant need to talk to others. So keep waving that hand in the air, son. I'm still not calling on you. You are too logical, you talk too much, and your humility and gentleness only makes me hate you more, because they make me feel like I almost SHOULDN'T hate you. But I do. Big time.
To put it less negatively:
1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive.
2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.
3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.
4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.
Compatibility:
Your exact opposite is the Brute.
Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Braggart, the Haughty Intellectual, and the Robot.
*
*
If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits.
The other personality types:
The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant. |
 |
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
You scored higher than 55% on Rationality |
|
You scored higher than 60% on Extroversion |
|
You scored higher than 49% on Brutality |
|
You scored higher than 20% on Arrogance |
| | | Thursday, July 7th, 2005 | | 9:13 am |
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Current Music: Happy Birthday song |
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